i think my mom watched the whole time
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
