your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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