So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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