ya dads aren't the best wingmen
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
