Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
