I love black thongs
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
