You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
