brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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