dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
