yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
