The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I want her autograph on my taint
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
