does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
