Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I enjoy the company of your penis
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