i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize