Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
