This dress was meant to end up on your floor
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
