i think my mom watched the whole time
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
