I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
