My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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