Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
