i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
