the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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