I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
