did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
