U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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