i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
