talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
