It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
