Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
