11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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