I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
