No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
