Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
