I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
