no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
