508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
