I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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