Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
