My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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