I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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