This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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