toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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