I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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