I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
