I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
