i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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