Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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