drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
