He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
