I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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