i would punch a child for taco bell
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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