My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My vagina is officially offended.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
