You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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