just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
