I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize