I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
