So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
