that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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