Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
