the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
