i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
