he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
